I saw an interview in a magazine today, with a ballet dancer from New York. Beyond doubt, a a) dancer who lives in b) New York must be the coolest person in the world! Yet she said:
"I wouldn't want for my children to become dancers. It's too hard. Every day, you have to face yourself in the mirror; you can't concentrate on what is good, only on what's bad, the mistakes. And perfection won't ever be achieved.
I love dancing, and I hate it. I suppose I love it more than I hate it, or else I would have stopped dancing until now."
Hello sister! (even if being a ballet dancer is in my opinion much harder than being a jazz student!) The piano is my passion, yet there is sometimes such a thin line between, let's just say, happiness and anger. People often tell me how great it is that I can pursue my passion, and I wholeheartedly agree! But (as it is with any other occupation) there are very mixed emotions involved.
I love and hate it basically for the same reason. I love that a part of my life will never be over or finished, there will always be music to listen to, people to find out about, and technique to be learnt. And with a constant anger underneath I also hate it: there will always be this striving, always people who play better, write better, and I hate that it won't ever be over, ever. And I hate that I dedicate myself to a "nothingness", and I love that I chose a discipline to dig deep into. And I hate the very practical aspect about it: if you don't practise, you lose your abilities very quickly, you snooze you lose, and I love the feeling of achievement after practising, and I hate to do something useless, and I love the freedom it gives me.
I don't mean to lament. It comes with the deal. But it's great to know that other people have thoughts like that. This is how Inna, the ballet dancer from New York, concluded the interview:
"I don't know what comes after death, but there has to be something. I just hope I won't have to dance any more!"
2010/08/24
2010/08/17
A Musician's Doping
In my short essay about jazz above (I compare playing jazz to going away on a holiday - practising like packing systematically makes sure you'll be prepared for anything), I state that jazz is primarily an intuitive art form. Trusting on skills and knowledge only as pillars, with freedom in mind, it's about expressing something.
And it's amazing how intuition can be trained!
Yesterday, I listened to different piano players for hours. If I liked a tune, I listened to it repeatedly. But I didn't play anything.
Today, as I started my daily practising routine, I heard me playing differently. Somehow, ideas, melodies, chords, and most of all, phrasing from the really great cats, had made their way into my brain, and parts of it came out through my fingers. Isn't that unbelievably cool? You can play better by doing absolutely nothing!
Of course, I know, I know: it won't last. Much like a common doping, the effect decreases. But it's still great to know that there's a way to trick your brain into playing better, without effort, without thinking even (what a pity, I like to do that so much). I've used this effect in the end of the semester before my piano lesson. Afterwards, I felt relaxed and inspired, which made me sound really good (my teacher said that).
Unfortunately, this knowledge has to be renewed often, in my case at least - I often practise more than I listen to music, because as a good swiss girl, I'm trained to believe that only effort and hard work can lead to success...
A picture of what went into the bin after my second year of jazz studies. Another thing I like to do since I'm swiss: to clean out!
And it's amazing how intuition can be trained!
Yesterday, I listened to different piano players for hours. If I liked a tune, I listened to it repeatedly. But I didn't play anything.
Today, as I started my daily practising routine, I heard me playing differently. Somehow, ideas, melodies, chords, and most of all, phrasing from the really great cats, had made their way into my brain, and parts of it came out through my fingers. Isn't that unbelievably cool? You can play better by doing absolutely nothing!
Of course, I know, I know: it won't last. Much like a common doping, the effect decreases. But it's still great to know that there's a way to trick your brain into playing better, without effort, without thinking even (what a pity, I like to do that so much). I've used this effect in the end of the semester before my piano lesson. Afterwards, I felt relaxed and inspired, which made me sound really good (my teacher said that).
Unfortunately, this knowledge has to be renewed often, in my case at least - I often practise more than I listen to music, because as a good swiss girl, I'm trained to believe that only effort and hard work can lead to success...
A picture of what went into the bin after my second year of jazz studies. Another thing I like to do since I'm swiss: to clean out!
2010/08/11
I'm A Pool To Want You
Browsing through the master library of my realbooks (containing the best known tunes used in jazz music), I found this cutest of all typing errors. He's actually a fool to want her in the song. But wouldn't a pool who wants something make a really nice children's book?
Two encounters I made in the past few days, which I'd like to describe because they're kind of stereotypical.
The first one: on an office break, somebody shyly brought up the subject of jazz, because of me of course. She said: so you play jazz? There aren't lots of people interested in that, are there?
How nicely put! I added that in fact, there weren't many, and let out my typical self-irony-ridden-speech, which brought the others to say: no, actually, I don't dislike jazz, I really like it, as a background for parties!
Which, if a jazz musician is really honest, isn't the best professional perspective, but it's nice to know people like it...
And the second situation: on a party, after someone introduced me as a jazz pianist, a woman came to me and avidly asked me about my studies, my practising and my perspectives, and was really interested. She, as an amateur classical cellist, said she thought it must be incredibly hard to improvise like that, and couldn't imagine what kind of pillars one had to hold on to, what to consider, and how to listen to each other.
Which made me feel warm and fuzzy. My career's interesting!
Often I can't believe why I really hold on to this, why I practise so much for so few people interested, how much work is necessary for the kind of career I'm expecting. But on the other hand, not many people know it, or like it, and not many people can study music like that, which makes it interesting. An aspect I kind of like... So I guess I really am a "Pool" to want to do this jazz stuff. But a least a special one?
Two encounters I made in the past few days, which I'd like to describe because they're kind of stereotypical.
The first one: on an office break, somebody shyly brought up the subject of jazz, because of me of course. She said: so you play jazz? There aren't lots of people interested in that, are there?
How nicely put! I added that in fact, there weren't many, and let out my typical self-irony-ridden-speech, which brought the others to say: no, actually, I don't dislike jazz, I really like it, as a background for parties!
Which, if a jazz musician is really honest, isn't the best professional perspective, but it's nice to know people like it...
And the second situation: on a party, after someone introduced me as a jazz pianist, a woman came to me and avidly asked me about my studies, my practising and my perspectives, and was really interested. She, as an amateur classical cellist, said she thought it must be incredibly hard to improvise like that, and couldn't imagine what kind of pillars one had to hold on to, what to consider, and how to listen to each other.
Which made me feel warm and fuzzy. My career's interesting!
Often I can't believe why I really hold on to this, why I practise so much for so few people interested, how much work is necessary for the kind of career I'm expecting. But on the other hand, not many people know it, or like it, and not many people can study music like that, which makes it interesting. An aspect I kind of like... So I guess I really am a "Pool" to want to do this jazz stuff. But a least a special one?
2010/08/05
Gwilym Is Not An Elb He's Just From Wales
Just one of these days!
I mean- it's great to have a job I really like, which gives me the faintest idea of being able to achieve something real. And I love to practise in the morning to get my share of crazy jazz stuff, and to go to work in the afternoon like a normal person. But I also love the (rare) days when I have no other obligations than to practise.
So that's how I find myself today: really bad weather outside, wearing a cozy jumper, checking out new jazz releases.
The reason for this entry is that I discovered Gwilym Simcock today, a name that instantly went into my "important-musicians-or-just-stuff-I-like-notebook. He is one of these new stars on the jazz firmament so easily checked out thanks to the internet. Just twenty-nine, he already recorded four albums, the newest of them will be released on August 10th. He has two trios, a quartet (with Steve Swallow), a quintet and a bigband, and is very active as a composer, for orchestras and choirs, amongst others. He has first studied classical music and then jazz, and still plays both. Apparently he is already rather well known and has won several important prizes. I'm sure that his is a name to keep in mind!
I mean- it's great to have a job I really like, which gives me the faintest idea of being able to achieve something real. And I love to practise in the morning to get my share of crazy jazz stuff, and to go to work in the afternoon like a normal person. But I also love the (rare) days when I have no other obligations than to practise.
So that's how I find myself today: really bad weather outside, wearing a cozy jumper, checking out new jazz releases.
The reason for this entry is that I discovered Gwilym Simcock today, a name that instantly went into my "important-musicians-or-just-stuff-I-like-notebook. He is one of these new stars on the jazz firmament so easily checked out thanks to the internet. Just twenty-nine, he already recorded four albums, the newest of them will be released on August 10th. He has two trios, a quartet (with Steve Swallow), a quintet and a bigband, and is very active as a composer, for orchestras and choirs, amongst others. He has first studied classical music and then jazz, and still plays both. Apparently he is already rather well known and has won several important prizes. I'm sure that his is a name to keep in mind!
2010/08/02
Audreys Fault
moving fast! the week of the wows.
a week ago, I was preparing for a cozy night at home with Audrey Hepburns movie Sabrina, eating junkfood and grinning, as I admittedly sometimes do when alone, with bliss. One hour into the evening, The Paraglider knocked on my door, told me he just came off the phone with his landlord who told him to move out (long story). Wow one.
Yesterday, I came home from a quick holiday with my girlfriends which was so much fun!!, and once again was really looking forward to the whole cozy night home idea, the same Audrey Hepburn movie and chocolate awaiting... when The Paraglider told me he was home. And how did I find him? In bed, with one elephant-sized foot and crutches, his first paragliding accident. Wow two.
Between being practical and nursy, cooking and going to the drugstore, and being scared to death once again of what could happen to paragliders besides a torn ligament, I managed to play the piano for one hour, the first one after my month of recreation. In these sixty minutes, I thought of nothing else, learned a standard (ironically: "This will be my shining hour"!) and wrote a little piece. Which I might call Audreys Fault. Because let's be honest: I'll never watch Sabrina, who knows what might happen next?!
a week ago, I was preparing for a cozy night at home with Audrey Hepburns movie Sabrina, eating junkfood and grinning, as I admittedly sometimes do when alone, with bliss. One hour into the evening, The Paraglider knocked on my door, told me he just came off the phone with his landlord who told him to move out (long story). Wow one.
Yesterday, I came home from a quick holiday with my girlfriends which was so much fun!!, and once again was really looking forward to the whole cozy night home idea, the same Audrey Hepburn movie and chocolate awaiting... when The Paraglider told me he was home. And how did I find him? In bed, with one elephant-sized foot and crutches, his first paragliding accident. Wow two.
Between being practical and nursy, cooking and going to the drugstore, and being scared to death once again of what could happen to paragliders besides a torn ligament, I managed to play the piano for one hour, the first one after my month of recreation. In these sixty minutes, I thought of nothing else, learned a standard (ironically: "This will be my shining hour"!) and wrote a little piece. Which I might call Audreys Fault. Because let's be honest: I'll never watch Sabrina, who knows what might happen next?!
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