About dis- and -satisfaction

"Feeling dissatisfied motivates us to practice and improve or change or advance until we once again feel somewhat satisfied - and the process continues, ad infinitum" - I've read some chapters of trombonist Hal Crook's new book* in the past few days.
Basically he says that satisfaction cannot exist without dissatisfaction, and while dissatisfaction can lead to frustration or anxiety, it is also a pushing factor. Of course this sounds painfully obvious. But let me tell you, as a beginner in jazz improvisation, there is just so much to be dissatisfied with, it's overwhelming, like timing and rhythm, hearing ability, melodic and harmonic concepts, accompaniment, musical development, voicings, etc., etc. What people like me (who are always thinking too much, instead of just doing it) need to do is to find a way to live with dissatisfaction, because it's always going to be a partner in our musical careers. There is always going to be a weak point, or a person who plays better or differently. I always thought that I would one day reach a level when I would approve of my playing, being able to do certain basic things, which would allow me to present myself as a musician equal to hundreds of others, one of them - still wanting to improve, but basically doing ok. After two years of intense studies at the jazz school I'm not so sure when I will reach this point. When something is mastered, there are already a hundred new topics a-waiting. I guess I can say that I am doing well, I get good grades, but I often think that I am so far away from being an individual musician who ought to get on stage.
After reading Hal Crook, I got the feeling that maybe there is a line that needs to be drawn. A line between dissatisfaction and satisfaction, which in fact would define self-confidence. For me, it would maybe sound like that: "Yes, there is a lot to be learnt and practised, and it's good to be aware of that, however, look back on the past few years and start to realize how far you've come (better start doin' that or I'll slap you)".
For example: two months ago, I wasn't really able to improvise freely in 5/4, 7/4 or 11/8. Next monday, I'll play two oddmeter tunes in a concert and in my piano exam on Wednesday, I'll play a solo piece in 5/4. Which means that I am on my way, I guess!

A little picture to lighten the once again philosophical mood: I played a little concert in the basement of a house full of musicians last week. And of course said musicians don't have a normal guestroom with a bed, a nightstand and a lovely flowery lamp - this is where I slept. I've never slept in the same room with a steinway AND a drum (and a blanket with a giant burn mark) before! Cozy and a little scary at the same time...

*"Beyond time and changes: a musician's guide to FREE jazz improvisation", Hal Crook, 2010.

what swiss people do on weekends

I spent the loveliest weekend in Appenzell, a beautiful, typical swiss-postcardy region. In fact I was hired as a nanny - a great deal for me, because I got to spend the day with my godson, and in return I was given a night in a b&b plus a free meal (I have just great friends!).

So The Paraglider and I had a nice appartment in a b&b somewhere at the end of the wold (just before you fall off the face of the earth!) to ourselves, enjoyed the balcony, a glass of wine, the view, a swiss accordion player and a yodeler (not exaggerated! it's true! you should come and see for yourself how sweet our little country is) and a pedaling and giggling and completely adorable baby. Later, I had to change the latter, which was kind of rock'n'roll, because he farted really loudly the moment I took the nappy off, which put me in a laughing fit (and the baby too!). What didn't help was the TV blasting and the whole changing procedure taking place on one of these really old scratchy armchairs.
The next morning, the sun was shining so persistently that I decided to go read on the balcony, a decision which, due to the creaking floor, didn't make The Paraglider very happy. After an hour in complete bliss all alone on the balcony, the others got up and the nice b&b-owner treated us to a world-record-breaking-breakfast.

We then decided to go to Appenzell, a town that offers every swiss cliché a person could think of. My friend and I went to a shop for traditional costumes and we almost tried something on (I'll have to do that some time!). And then we found ourselves on the Landsgemeindeplatz. In this, let's just say it, conservative region of Switzerland, people used to get together on the town square and do the votes and elections with their hands up. On this very spot, nineteen years ago, women where allowed to vote for the first time, the last place in Europe and the last swiss Kanton (at federal level, women could vote since 1971, which isn't so long ago either!) to finally "give in". IT WAS 1991!!! You're welcome to comment on this particular tidbit of swiss history.

After this royally enjoyable weekend, I found myself having a major mind lapse today. After so much real world, it takes time to get back to the crazy world of the jazz schools. Just a brief summary of my day: I had three band rehearsals, I learned some things about jazz history, did some eartraining, practised on the drums and the piano, mainly 11/8, 7/4 and 5/4, will have a rhythm exam tomorrow. And I will tomorrow listen to or watch a performance of a friend who is doing something with hair driers, it's her master of arts in music and new media project. Which might be quite the event and mentionable here!

Off now to go see The Paraglider, who is sick. Who has a nurse outfit to spare?